"Monday is Blue" The "Is It True?" Series Episode Thirty-Nine

Welcome to Honor Your Truth

The ‘Is It True?” Series Episode Thirty-Nine

“Monday is blue”

I was lying in bed. I hadn’t even allowed my feet to hit the floor, much less opened my eyes. I felt exhausted. I know that I slept. I had the sense of a dream, though I didn’t remember quite what it was. I blew it away like the fluff atop a dandelion. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t been awake long enough to have had a thought or done a thing to cause this feeling. I feel off. I feel afraid. I feel sad. There is something that I’m not doing, or saying…again. This is what causes the blankets to feel heavy, the light to seem dim, and the floor to feel cold. I am still carrying the fraudulence of the day before and it’s weighing me down. I can’t get out of bed.

I have allowed this thing to get so heavy that I cannot possibly lift myself from the nest where I hide, to the handle of the door. I know what I need to do, and I haven’t done it. Need…..I don’t need. I must. It’s not a need like food or water….it’s a yearning, a calling. My inner voice is sending me messages that my head will never stop……try as it may. That’s the amazing thing about the inner voice…..no matter how deafening the chatter in my head might think it is….it is never louder than the small, still voice in my heart. Even in the seemingly direst of situations....when my head is telling me lies…sending out warnings….the voice in my heart….says…you can do this…..you can say this.

The time between inaction and action is the hardest on me….the most painful….and the thing that can actually make me physically ill. I definitely don’t sleep well. Inaction is only possible when I know what it is that I am called to do, inspired to do, yet I don’t do it. If I don’t know, then it’s only confusion and doesn’t cause me anywhere near the anguish. I feel uncertain, but not forlorn. It is when I know and I don’t act, that I suffer so deeply. I am going against my truth.

I used to hold everything inside. I thought I could avoid being hurt or left. I wanted to be well liked and hoped to be loved. I told myself I was “easy going”, “friendly”, “understanding” and “considerate”. I did not think it was ok to say no. If I could do something, I should do something. I now know that the kinder thing is always to tell the truth. It’s best for everyone, including myself, to have all the information to work with in any given situation. I can’t control everything, especially people. We all deserve the truth and the truth wants to be heard.

If the truth does not get heard, if it isn’t spoken, it can lead to resentment. Resentments, in turn, can lead to internalized depression, anger turned inward. This is dangerous to the health and to the soul. I know this….I have felt this…so when I was lying in bed this morning, feeling depressed, I knew exactly what it was that was bothering me as is often the case…..and I know what the solution is…..to Honor My Truth!

Debra Hadraba
[url http://www.braveheartwomen.com/forum/Honor-Truth/Welcome-Page/1000341]Honor Your Truth[/url]
Inspiration+Action